My babies birthday

Well, today's the day. Today is my babies 6th birthday! This day 6 years ago was not a super fun day, it was a day filled with worry with some relief mixed in. The boys were a month early, I had been given different combinations of not so fun medications, some we found I was allergic to (I've never done drugs, but one made me seriously trip! At first it felt kinda warm but it very quickly made me want to claw my skin off and Cory had to hold me while the nurses gave me some benadryl or something to counteract it). On June 4, the dr decided because of how large I was and other things to allow them to be born. They performed a c-section and I had a 7 pound 4 ounce AJ and a 5 pound 12 ounce BJ. After they closed me up, I was brought back to my room and Cory went to the NICU with the boys. I slept for a little bit. They came in and told me that they still were not breathing on their own and BJ's lungs had collapsed. It was very difficult not to be there. I did not get to see them until the next day.
God provided though during that time in magnificent ways. Many times I felt isolated in the stay at the hospital, but God was also giving me time to rest. I was quite literally made to stay in bed other than trips to use the facilities. I did not make a single meal or wash a single dish. IM and AG came and visited, but had fun with their Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncle. While I chafed at not being at home and missing my crazy 2 at home, this time gave me some rest before taking these 2 new crazies home.
Also, I only had pain from my incision for the first day. It was not my first c-section. With IM I hurt until my 6 week check up. AG the pain was not as intense as long, but was lasting until well after we got home. The pain with AJ and BJ was only 1 day. ONE DAY! I took the super-powerful pain drugs every 4 hours that first day, woke up on day 2 and realized the pain was not as intense. I decided to not take the pills! I didn't need them. I was slightly achy, but not the  "I was just cut open and 13 pounds of baby removed from me" pain. I should have been in pain, getting out of bed should have made me want to scream! It didn't. I can only say that God was giving me strength and removed my pain. There really was no earthly reason that I should have been able to do that.
The last 6 years have been crazy. Their first few years were a blur. I don't remember when they got their first tooth, crawled, walked, or what their first word was (though all were before 1 year). Having twins has been an adventure. One that has brought me on a pendulum from frustration to joy and back again. It has not always been easy for my hubby and I with our 4 crazies or the challenges of twins. I wouldn't trade any of it! The hugs and kisses and laughs have been more than worth it. I'm thankful for everything God has done in this life of ours. Specifically today for AJ and BJ- Happy birthday, boys!

May 8, 1917

I was talking to my sister today. She was concerned that I had the place of Grandpa Lewis's birth wrong. We chatted for a while and realized that today would have been his birthday. It is very odd to think about for me. He would have been 96 years old today!
I never had the chance to meet him, my sister did shortly after my husband and I were married. Some of my family were coming to visit and had to drive through Texas, so why not? Right? My mom says she only saw him a few times growing up as he rarely made it out to California.
I'm very thankful to be able to learn about them. I hope that you are enjoying the stories as well. Maybe one day, we can turn it into a book? Who knows what the future holds in this.
Thanks for reading and staying by my side as I journey through my family's history!

First comes love and then comes marriage.....

Lewis and Doris married. Her birthmark was surgically removed. For all appearances, they were happily married. Running from town to town on the Rodeo circuit. Riding broncs and bulls, feeling the rush and adrenaline. One day, they discover that Doris is going to have a baby! What joy and happy announcements to make. A baby! Someone to love and take care of.
 This mark that had determined so much of what her life had become was gone and did this mean that that  life was finally starting to shine on them? After fighting for so long to find peace and happiness?


You guessed it, this little one was my grandmother. We'll chit-chat about her a bit later.
So many things, happiness and contentment all focused on outside sources, determined by things that are out of ones control. Neither one of these 2 people able to find it within themselves. Their treasure, their life, their entire worth was bundled in these elements that were external.
Sin does that. It makes those around us, the things we store up, the friends we collect, the family we grow become the source of everything to ME. "If I get this" "If I do that" "If I get more friends" "If my family would do this" Aren't there so many of those internal voices that tell us that the next thing we can amass or if our children obey then *I* can be happy? I just need everything to be how *I* want it in order to be happy.
May I ask you a very serious question? (Ok, that was a question, but not the one I am heading towards) How many lives, marriages, children, or babies have been broken, left, abandoned, (dare I say it?) aborted, or destroyed because they didn't make *ME* happy?
The beautiful and amazing thing is that these things do not have to remain broken! Our lives do not have to be empty or dependant on someone or something. Jesus came to save us!

John 3:16-17 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

He's Able
He's able. He's able. I know He's able:
I know my Lord is able to carry me through.He's able. He's able. I know He's able:
I know my Lord is able to carry me through.He healed the broken-hearted
and set the captive free:
He made the lame to walk again
and caused the blind to see.

He's able. He's able. I know He's able:
I know my Lord is able to carry me through.~Lyrics and music:Paul E. Paino

Voids and Rodeos

Doris loved horses. Horses were sure, steady and didn't care about the mark on her face. They did not care if one was considered cursed by those who are supposed to love and protect their child.
 Mary tried to shower Doris with love, affection, and acceptance. But having the woman that birthed you look at you as though you were a mistake! A void grew in Doris's heart. A vast, empty, and gnawing void, that would never be able to be filled.
She rode, and rode like a pro. She was drawn like a moth to a flame to the Rodeo. Horses! Misfits! Home! Doris thrived. She was happy. And one day, a tall, dark, and handsome Texan rode into her life. They both loved the Rodeo. They rode together, competed together. Living on the edge! Love or lust, didn't matter. Her void was being appeased. One day, Lewis, got down on one knee and proposed. Could this be the happy-ever-after that Doris dreamed about?

We think that Doris may have suffered from depression and possibly a Thyroid issue that caused an imbalance as my grandmother was diagnosed. My mom remembers that there was times that Grandma Doris would cry, but she had no reason to be at that moment and would even say things like: "I don't know why I am crying" or "I don't know why I am so sad.". She was surrounded by friends and love- some form of it- but she would be empty, lost, sad, and broken.
My mom was told that her grandma would fall into this depression . Doris would have to go off alone, jump on her horse and whistle for her dog and she'd go off to try to erase or shake the funk.

Too many of us have had things happen in the past that have made us vulnerable to mistakes, sin, and abuse. We fall for the lies that we tell ourselves: it'll make ME happy. We fall for the lies that the world tells us: Everyone is doing it. We believe that an individual, a drug, this new thing can fill our needs or hide them; it can cover up and blind us to what we are truly, inside, the person we never show others. We think these things can make us content, but they wont. Let's be honest. That person fails us. The drug wears off. The thing becomes old and used. 

There is One that can heal any void, made by any heartache any person in the world could have endured. There is no sin, addiction, or abuse that He can not take care of.

Abandonment and Superstition

Doris was a beautiful little girl, black curls and shining brown eyes. Smiling and happy. The one defect she had, the one thing that caused this mother to abandon and dismiss her own child, was a birth mark. On her cheek, Doris had a crescent-shaped moon.
   Superstition led this woman to believe that her child was "marked" or cursed. Because of this moon shape, Doris was left alone in a shack and grew up viewed as a side show oddity.

  A lady, Mary, took her in and raised her. Her biological mother would come and visit at times, but she would not even allow Doris to touch her.
   She would just sit at the dining room table, drinking a cup of tea while watching Doris play. If Doris would come to her, whether to lay a toy on her lap or take her hand, she would dust her lap off and say, "Don't muss me, child." Then, after a time, she would go out and get into her car and leave.

  I called my mom trying to piece together the missing parts of the beginning of the story. We've spoken with cousins to figure out how exactly my great grandmother came to be raised by this couple. So far we are not sure. We do not know yet if she was adopted or if they just raised her.
We assume that my biological great, great grandmother had some amount of wealth. She had a car during the days when they were an oddity, Rare things that few people had the means to own. We will continue to search and discover.

  Just imagine being abandoned and knowing that you were not wanted because of a birth mark? Superstition and idolatry makes seemingly sane people act in a variety of crazy ways.
  I do not believe that my biological great, great grandmother was an evil woman. I believe that she was just as "cursed" as her daughter was. There is not a mark on a body that can determine who they will become or their eternity. Christ does. He came to Earth, His creation, to save and restore. He came to cleanse and heal . The only thing that determines what happens to our eternity is our sin and what we will do with Christ. He will accept us marks, scars and all. 

  I can't help but think what would have happened if this superstitious mother would have been told about Christ? That is useless to dwell on though. Everything happens for a reason. His perfect reason. Some things happen to teach us, to warn us.
  If you are in a place right now of torment and terror, abandonment or superstition, Christ can heal you. If one thing, one small seemingly immaterial thing would have been altered, lives would not have ended in the manner they did.You can have that. Healing, peace, and strength-even in your weakness- can be found in Christ. 

.Matthew 11:28-29 Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.




*edited by Aaron Bronander. Blogger. http://www.christians-first.com/

let's go back... way back...

Should I start it off with a "once upon a time"? Or "In a far away land"? It all could have played out like a fairy tale. It could have. Instead in so many ways it turned into a tragedy.
Nearly 100 years ago- ok, maybe more like 90-ish, that's close enough right?- there was a couple. This couple could have no children though they desperately wanted them. It just was not going to happen. To feel the void, this lady, would take food and things to the poor families in a shanty town in Southern California. From the stories, it was fairly regularly. This couple was not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, she was just willing to sacrifice to help those who needed it. This one particular morning, (let's get creative) the sun was shining, a slight breeze was blowing, bugs were buzzing around, dogs were barking, birds were singing, and a baby was crying. Yes, a baby- crying. I'm not sure if this particular shack was normally empty or if this lady knocked on the door and no adult came to answer? One way or the other, she entered this dingy sad shack to find an infant and toddler all alone and abandoned.


My mom has told me this story that she heard from her mother. I'll tell you more later about what happened. But this part of the story is tragic and beautiful for me. A little old lady, never blessed with children of her own "happens" upon these poor children. This woman's love is so amazing. I'm sure that there are many out there that would do this; though if you look at the world around us too many of us ignore the cries of those, shall we say, less fortunate.
But look at this! It just "happened" a happy coincidence? an accident? I'm telling you that in THIS story- this true story! This story of my history, God was working. He gives all of us chances over and over again to come to Him! His mercy is all-encompassing!  He will take you and me- that sad, wretched urchin- He'll adopt us, He'll make us His Own. With all of our scars and marks (this will make more sense later), He'll hold us to him and call us His child. 

Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; 

but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. 

My history.. a tale of grace, redemption, and mercy

In many ways, my life has been very strange, yet compared to others it's been quite normal. All of these things, God has used to mold me into the person that I am today. It is quite scary and amazing to think of what I could have been had another decision been made or this situation not have happened. The unfolding of events in my life, the dramas that have played out. I'm married and a mom now. Grown. Looking back on my life. Listening to stories from people that I've grown up knowing. So many faces flashing in my minds eye. Cousins, aunts, uncles, people related yet in such confusing ways that it has become fun and entertaining to explain to “outsiders”.

this is not the picture that I reference in the blog. But this
is my great grandmother Doris, great grandfather Lewis,
and my grandmother Mary.

Somethings I'll share. Other stories, I'll keep back. Maybe one day I'll write a book and add some things in it that were honest too goodness truth, but too outrageous for anyone to believe. For example, my great grandmother was arrested for bigamy. Yes! Yes, she was. She was a very interesting character. A beautiful woman. A sad woman. A lost woman. An abandoned woman. When my own grandmother passed away, I sat in a room with my mom, sister, and if I remember right my aunt, we were looking through some old pictures! My goodness she was a beautiful woman! This one picture stood out to me- it was so clear to see! She was with my great grandfather (marriage #1, married before WWII, but divorced shortly after) holding my grandmother. My g.Grandfather had such an adoring look on his face! My g.Grandmother looked so desolate and empty. My grandmother- not yet 5 in the picture- was smiling at her parents in that trusting way that children have.
Her story even before this marriage and the birth of my grandmother, is even more interesting, tragic, amazing. Sin. Superstition. Pain. Joy. Family. Heartache. Broken Trust.
If things had played out differently. Where would I have been. If things nearly 100 years ago had played out differently. How would my life have been? Would I have been? What would have changed in  the story of my parents, my birth, my marriage, my children?